Maggie Wasn't So Sure

We finally have snow here in Western Massachusetts. Very nice. Fluffy stuff. Dog running around, big puppy that he is, nose in the snow. We're liking it. I hope that things are good were you are, and that you're enjoying whatever holiday you celebrate this time of the year.

For some random reason, I'm offering a wee story that my daughter, Maya, and I wrote together. It's a bit absurdist, a bit surreal, and it may not be at all funny. We think it is, but our perspective is skewed because after we wrote it we listened to it being read by the computer voice on my computer. If you get a chance, try that. Pauses all wrong. Pronunciation off. Flat notes... and then moments of hilarity.

But that may just be us. Here's the story...

Maggie Wasn’t So Sure

Maggie woke up one morning to discover that her feet were gone. They had totally vanished and instead of feet there were flowers. Water lilies to be exact. She tried to walk downstairs to tell her mom, but she couldn’t walk so she rode her dog.

When she told her mom, her mom said, “Oh well, dear. Let’s just buy you some new feet then. They’ll be way better than your old, boring feet.”

Her mother snipped off the water lilies and put them in a vase, and then she carried Maggie to the car. They drove into town to buy some more feet.

On the way to town her mom pretended to be a horse. She was kind of a scary mom.

At the foot store they saw many strange feet. Some had cat faces tattooed onto their toenails. Some were covered in warts, and the warts were sprouting mice. Some were covered in sesame seeds.

Maggie’s mom said, “Oh, would you like some of those, dear?”

Maggie thought for a minute. “How about mismatched feet?”

A salesperson dropped out of the ceiling. “We have a special on mismatched feet today,” he said. “One foot looks like a tadpole and the other is really, really huge and the toes are all upside down. I know it sounds kind of random, but it’s the new style from Venezuela.”

The mom bought them for half price - $500. The new feet attached with hooks. Maggie realized that when she stepped with the tadpole one her hair would squeak. When she stepped with the other one she would fall on her face.

Maggie’s mom crossed her eyes. “Those feet should be really useful for playing volleyball.”

Maggie wasn’t so sure.

They went home. Their house was so happy to see them that it licked them. Maggie’s goldfish, Susan, wriggled along the floor toward her and ate one of her new feet. The tadpole one. Maggie’s mother got very mad. She squished the goldfish.

Maggie began wailing. “You always do that to my goldfish. Remember last Halloween?”

“That wasn’t a goldfish, dear. That was a zombie apricot. It had gone bad. And mad. I’m always looking out for you.”

Maggie wasn’t so sure.

Just then, Maggie’s dad came home. They explained the story of the day to him. He said, “Oh well, you only need one foot anyway. Two feet are overrated. When I was a kid I only had half a foot.”

Maggie said, “But how do I walk with just one foot?”

“You don’t walk. You hop.”

“But if I use this foot I fall on my face.”

“Really? You got one of those,” the dad said, excitedly. He bent to study it more closely. “A somersault foot! You’ve just got to learn the special way to tuck and roll.”

Her mom said, “We’ll sign you up for gymnastics class. I’m sure you’ll live happily ever after with that foot.”

Maggie wasn’t so sure.